MINI-REVIEWS OF MOVIES I WATCHED IN 2020 [PART 5]

The final films I watched in 2020! I’ll probably try to keep up this year with these like I did in 2019 instead of just thinking to do it at the end of the year and cramming it all in. Parts 1, 2, 3, and 4. Also, it’s my 33rd birthday!

Children of Men (2006)

This film is fucking incredible, really one of the absolute best I’ve ever seen. I do wish they hadn’t blackwashed the girl’s character (in the novel she’s described to be EXTREMELY white) but aside that this really is just unbelievably good in every way. The acting is phenomonal – the lead even really cut his foot open really badly during one scene and just made it part of the character from then on for the rest of the movie because he had a very bad and obvious gait after it due to how bad he got hurt – but that aside, these people feel REAL and they make the world feel just as real. The directing is crazy good and features a handful of long cuts that could only be shot one time and yet were pulled off incredibly well and almost every one of those longer scenes without a cut is also accompanied by just unbelievable scene composition and directing. This is really just an incredible film; the writing, the acting, the directing, the cinematography, the music direction, the set design, the super impactful beautiful scenes that happen constantly, the entire scene with the soldiers, just everything. Just truly one of the best films ever made. Watch it, but don’t look anything up about it beforehand either.

Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (2001)

In a movie with a Spanish woman playing an Italian woman, every extra (hundreds of them) all being Mexicans instead of Italians or Greeks, John Hurt being incredibly obviously not Greek and not even PRETENDING not to be because he just did not give a SHIT about doing this film, and with Nicolas Cage BEIN-A PIZZA-PIE MAN LUIGI FROM-A SUPA MARIO BROS you’d think things couldn’t get any more fucking hilariously stupid, especially for me with both Italian and Greek blood. Christian Bale though, oh boy, I don’t think I’ve seen such a talented actor do such a horrific job as Bale does in this movie. He doesn’t look Greek, he doesn’t sound Greek, he falls in and out of this hilariously awful accent that sounds like he’s trying to sound like Inigo Montoya from Princess Bride (seriously, he sounds EXACTLY like him) before slipping into just talking like Patrick Bateman all of a sudden. He is ABYSMAL. This movie was funny because it was just so bad, yet it’s EXTREMELY GODDAMN BORING so it might not be worth watching even for laughs, it barely was even for me.

Gotti (2018)

Following one horribly ridiculously fucking stupid attempt at depicting Italians in a movie, I was inspired to watch Gotti. This was fucking retarded…but hilarious and I mean EYYYY WHADDYA GANNA DO YA GOTTA FAWKIN LOVE GOTTI!!!!

Labyrinth (1986)

I feel like Labyrinth should genuinely be one of the basic every-kid-has-seen-it films to show your kids, I’m amazed I had never seen it and that most children probably haven’t either (let alone people in general). This does a fantastic job of all the morality tale stuff you’d expect (and want) in a film aimed towards children but without treating the viewer like a jackass. This is really fun, engrossing, and endearing even to a man in his 30s rather than being “just a film for kids” – and not just thanks to Bowie playing what is his most iconic look I think, Jareth the Goblin King. The puppets and puppetry is also just phenomenal thanks to Jim Hensen, maybe the best in the industry. Really recommend it, and if you have kids I recommend giving it a watch with them too. Super charming.

The Man Who Fell To Earth (1976)

I don’t know how to even talk about this. I don’t know how to rate it. I don’t know if it was good or bad. I don’t know if it was a waste of time or a great use of time. I DO know I recommend it – this is PEAK weird ass David Bowie in a film that basically explains the true origins of David Bowie. There’s also some EXTREMELY fucking tense cookies.

Zodiac (2007)

Great documentary about Ted Cruz with an all-star cast and some of the most gripping storytelling I’ve seen in a very long time.

Clue (1985)

One of the best pure-comedy films I’ve ever seen and by far the best role of Tim Curry’s career.

Arrival (2016)

Really fantastic movie with such a unique take in the whole aliens come to Earth type of story, with the focus here being entirely on linguistics and the concept of time. It does some amazing stuff with those simple concepts, even the language one, and it’s really enthralling throughout without feeling boring when most of the movie is just trying to figure out how to translate some words.

Trapped In Paradise (1994)

Much like Jason X has become my yearly Halloween tradition, Trapped in Paradise now probably will be the movie I go to every Christmas season. Fun as hell Nicolas Cage Christmas comedy where he and his 2 brothers (sadly one of them is Dana Carvey who is maybe one of the least likable and worst actors ever known, and the other is a super-Jew) rob a bank and loads of hijinks ensue even during the robbery itself. Cage is absolutely full-Cage in this too with great moments of him over-acting and being intensely insane for no real reason.

Starship Troopers 3 : Marauder (2008)

Fucking great movie. This takes all the best things, the jingoism, the hardcore nationalism, and the fun as fuck satirical propaganda that made the first film so great and goes EVEN FURTHER WITH ALL OF IT. This also brings back Rico. This is NOTHING like 2, this is not only the REAL sequel to the original, this is BETTER THAN the original. I loved the hell out of this, it was just incredibly fun and entertaining every second, has the best anthem (IT’S A GOOD DAY TO DIE) which is actually an in-world relevant thing in the story, and goes above and beyond even Evangelion with it’s level of blatant religious symbolism proclaiming Rico himself to essentially be Jesus. This is a fun ass movie and I 1000% recommend it.

The Runner (2015)

Sadly, rather than Starship Troopers 3, the year ended on The Runner…a really boring, shitty, unbelievably bland Cage movie which ACTUALLY has a lot of Cage and is one of the very few Cage films that heavily feature him (rather than pretend to and then he’s barely in them) yet are total shit anyway. This is better than the worst Cage movie of all time, Joe, but not much else. Pretty much didn’t even finish it. Unbelievably boring, it’s just Cage basically making a PSA about oil corporations being evil and that the crawdad fisherman or what the FUCK ever they are down in New Orleans don’t have enough compensation from local government when the oil kills everything they make money from and then he’s cheating on his wife or some shit who fucking cares it’s SO FUCKING BORING.

Oops, I forgot a few: See the last 3 movies I saw here.