MINI-REVIEWS OF MOVIES I WATCHED IN 2020 [PART 2]

These ones will be shorter like they’re meant to be!

Bringing Out The Dead (1999)

My next Cage film – this is one I did see but like 20 years ago or so, so I counted it as a first viewing. It’s basically another Taxi Driver style of film with Cage being an ambulance driver who is completely falling apart from exhaustion and stress. It’s extremely grim and dark and has no positivity even by the end. Very good, just expect depression to come with it.

The VelociPastor (2018)

On the complete other side of things is VelociPastor, a purposefully stupid as fuck no-budget movie by nobodies seemingly shot with a 300 dollar camera and friends and family as the cast. While it is one of those parodies of bad movies while being one itself on purpose – it actually does it in a way that instead of being cringe or obnoxious about it its alright with some really great gags. It’s about a pastor who becomes a raptor. That’s it. It’s fucking stupid, but it’s fun enough.

City Hunter (1993)

Super fun, probably the best of Jackie Chan, and easily the best rendition of City Hunter over all the mediums he’s appeared in. I watched the dub which just makes it better because it’s one of those old dubs done to asian films where none of it matches lips or timing and the voices don’t fit either, but it did add to it in a clearly on-purpose way. The writing and action is what you’d expect from City Hunter stuff; it’s not serious at all and it pokes a lot of fun at itself and the genres it dips into, and it really never slows down. I loved it.

Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom (2018)

The newest(?) of the Jurassic movies and, I’d say, probably the best of the films since Lost World. I actually really enjoyed it, it was sort of like Lost World redone with new but very similar characters (even one who is basically just Roland Tembo) and a heavier focus on the dinosaurs-out-of-their-element aspect. LW ends with that like 10 minutes of the T-rex loose in the city, this however mostly takes place in a mansion on the mainland where the surviving dinosaurs are being auctioned off to the highest bidders and when dinos are causing a ruckus some are even using military strategy and tactics. I thought it was fun, but I also liked Jurassic World quite a bit so maybe that helped. Really has me looking forward to the next one too which, based on the ending of this, will just be dinosaurs ruling the fucking world.

Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)

I had never seen this in my childhood, but it was okay. It’s not more than okay, but I don’t like Disney in the first place so my view of it is mediocre by default. It’s another basic morality tale that also is oddly very anti-catholicism for whatever reason while treating gypsie sinners and morbidly disfigured people as great.

Hot Rod (2007)

Shit movie; some friends had just started it in VRC when I joined them in a movie world and I was bored so I just stuck around and watched. It stars Andy (((Samberg))) so being trash was a given the moment I saw him appear on screen, and I wasn’t wrong.

Saga of Tanya The Evil : The Movie (2019)

FANTASTIC fucking movie. I absolutely loved it. Not only does it directly shit on commies non-stop (literally, even in Japanese you can hear her saying it), it has some of the best dialogue, jokes, fucking intense action sequences, and everything else that made Tanya’s show great but dialed up even more. It really is a great anime movie too with a well contained story that isn’t exactly made for new viewers but is followable enough as an action flick with confusing elements if you have no clue what Tanya The Evil is. The main story is pretty good with us seeing the Allied forces side a bit more than usual too and focusing on the daughter of that guy that was Tanya’s biggest threat in the show (Aside BEING X) who is literally named Mary Sue because she is one (super skilled for no reason and with no development at all) but doesn’t linger on her too much or too often – instead keeping your attention on Tanya and the not-zis conquest and victories, and Tanya’s usual attempts at political maneuvering that bite her in the ass. It was fantastic in every way it could be – from technical stuff like cinematography and sound to the writing with Tanya at her most fucking aggressive and hyper-violent and anti-commie spewing with some of the best action sequences and even the most fun comedic bits as well; super highly recommend watching it especially if you’ve seen the show. There is even some Starship Trooper style propaganda thrown in thanks to Tanya, broadcasting their destruction of totally-not-Moscow.

The Lighthouse (2019)

I had no idea how to describe or review or rate or talk about this movie after finishing it. I still don’t have a clue. Watch it.

Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (2019)

Bad. I don’t think as bad as most people do, but still very bad. Like, I’d rather watch it than Hot Rod.

Grand Isle (2019)

“When was the last time you had your, uh… cock… uh… sucked?” – Nicolas Cage, 2019.

Part 3 tomorrow(?). Part 1 back here.