Star Wars : The Last Jedi – Movie Review

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The biggest news about Episode 8 has been the reception to it and how even hardcore Star Wars fans have shit all over it – before spending another $20 on watching it again because that makes total sense and then having to justify spending a bunch more on seeing it several more times in a weird buyers remorse situation where they didn’t actually buy anything but now must defend spending all that money by claiming “NO, IT’S A MASTERPIECE BY THE 8TH WATCH”.

Really, I don’t just mean “oh this one person said this” or “oh my brother saw it a few times” that’s all pretty common and expected but I mean almost everyone who talks about this movie mentions how they’ve seen it like 15 fucking times for some reason which is more than how often people see any movie ASIDE this that they love from the very first time – yet this time they all unceasingly continue to watch it and to make it weirder it’s almost always after saying it’s bad.

What really confuses me about this movie and the way people think of it is the hatred for it though. Not hating it in itself as that’s just how things go, but the REASONS these people state as being why the movie is terrible feels almost like they’re just screaming shit without having seen it because they ignore the actual biggest problems. Everything I’ve heard or read is entirely focused on lore elements, some of the weird directing and unnecessary sequences, and the lack of almost any action at all. Yes, this is a Star Wars movie where there isn’t a single time a storm trooper fires a laser with one single exception that I recall and he’s shown for about half a second on a turret before it never shows him or has him shooting ever again (he doesn’t die he just randomly gets forgotten about and randomly chooses to stop shooting). Also a lot of complaints about Rose/Finn and Luke.

While literally all of those are very valid things I agree with and will mention again here most likely, if you saw the movie you should notice something much bigger and more prevalent is missing from almost EVERY SINGLE REVIEW of this movie and/or analysis bitching about it. Not one of them mentions the fact that ABSOLUTELY every single scene, with maybe 3 exceptions total in the entire 2 and a half hours the film lasts, has a punchline or otherwise a joke in some form shoved in. It doesn’t matter what the context is or anything at all.

As a quick note – this is not a spoiler-free review HOWEVER it is free of almost any spoilers that aren’t super widely known already. If you know Luke dies and Kylo Ren has his shirt off in a scene then you pretty much know everything I might spoil for you.

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The very first 3 minutes of the film – THE LITERAL INTRODUCTION TO THE MOVIE – is a 3 minute long JOKE where Poe flies alone to Hux’s star destroyer and tries to contact him. He’s able to but he pretends, hehe, get this, he pretends he…he hahaha…he-oh man – he pretends that he’s stuck on hold while Hux keeps going NO I CAN HEAR YOU CAN YOU HEAR ME HELLO IM HERE HELLO CAN YOU NOT HEAR ME WHATS GOING ON I CAN HEAR YOU I CAN HEAR YOU CLEARLY HELLO YOU ARE NOT ON HOLD THIS IS HUX I CAN HEAR YOU CAN YOU HEAR ME AND THE WHOLE TIME POE IS JUST PRETENDING HE’S STILL ON HOLD AND TRYING TO REACH HUX WHO IS HAHA FUCKING HE’S RIGHT THERE GOING HEY HEY IM HERE I CAN HEAR YOU MAN CAN YOU HEAR ME HELLO THIS IS HUX HAHAHAHA

FUCKING

EPIC.

Yet I’ve never heard/read one review from ANYBODY even MENTIONING this introduction sequence, let alone the fact that THIS IS HOW EVERY SCENE IN THE FILM GOES. Okay that’s about 99% true, I’ve seen one single thread on /tv/ one single time that mentioned that exact scene so at least a handful of people out there noticed the real issue.

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One of the most popular jokes in the movie is actually during possibly one of the most serious scene in the film. Rey and Kylo are talking through magical force conversations with one another and Kylo essentially answers his Force-Skype without a shirt on. Rey just found out the supposed truth of Kylo’s past presumably involving THE YOUNGLINGS ANAKIN and other similar stuff – she’s crying and yelling WHY DID YOU KILL THEM (or something like that, I forget the exact lines) it flashes to him he says basically nothing at all then it flashes back after making sure YOU KNOW HE IS TOPLESS!!!! (and has his pants way up) and she goes mid-cry mid-yelling about murdering teens “c-can you like put on a towel or something…” the entire theater erupts into laughter and she goes directly back to WHY DID YOU KILL THEM?! and crying.

Every single scene – again I am not exaggerating – EVERY SCENE in this film goes exactly like that with a completely tone deaf lack of understanding how to do any storytelling at all. It truly feels like some youtuber took every scene and like edited in a joke – or more like it feels like a blooper real left for the bluray extras where actors did or said a thing completely out of place and random as a joke before re-doing the scene properly. Except it’s the actual real movie. It reminds me of Plumber’s Don’t Wear Ties where they LITERALLY DID KEEP A BLOOPER IN except that’s the entirety of Star Wars The Last Jedi. You go from pointless scene to pointless scene all of which has NOTHING AT ALL HAPPEN IN ANY OF THEM not to fill time, not to just sell toys of porgs (like many complain about, I didn’t think they were really that obnoxious with a few scene exceptions), but really just because Rian Johnson wanted to make sure he could set up yet another fucking joke in another situation. It really is constant and always out of nowhere – even just during a scene of the rebels putting up one last stand there’s Poe accidentally kicking through the ship he’s piloting and going ?! for no fucking reason to lighten up that mood of “we are about to do a suicide mission to protect our only surviving members of the rebellion”.

If you bring this up at all people will defend it with “Star Wars ALWAYS had comedy” which is what I’ve seen and heard a lot of – and yes, it certainly did, it’s what made the franchise so charismatic from the very beginning. It never took itself overly serious and had plenty of comedic (mostly cheesy) elements, yet they were in moderation and fit the scenes they took place in and/or were entirely relegated to one character.

You didn’t have Luke and Vader re-enacting the IS THIS THE KRUSTY KRAB? NO THIS IS PATRICK! joke for 4 minutes to start The Empire Strikes Back.

Hell, imagine if after pulling off Vader’s helmet for his last moments to see his father’s real face if Luke just went “Humpty dumpty, am I right?” while winking at the camera. You just had things like Han making a cheesy lame quip during a light-hearted running-from-some-TIE-fighters sequence or – at the VERY silliest you had Boba Fett happening one single time during one single action scene where he manages to likely kill himself by mistake. Yet TLJ is nothing but set-ups for comedy and a constant onslaught of it. And, sure, there was Jarjar…a comic relief CHARACTER and oops everyone hated that too – but now it’s worse because EVERYONE is a comic relief character and it doesn’t matter when or why!

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Oh, Hux failed to kill the rebel leaders. Snoke is mad. Snoke calls for him and appears on the bridge via hologram. Hux starts walking over to speak to him but PRAT FALLS because Snoke uses his power and HAHA EPIC the crowd laughs instead of, I don’t know, making Snoke seem threatening like when Vader would just randomly force-choke fuckers for screwing up. Or, you know, keeping Hux a respectable villain who has his shit together and is angry about Kylo’s insubordination rather than being a fucking retarded goofball which he now is throughout the entire film leaving literally no tension and no believability about the villains.

Rey finally gets Luke Skywalker to speak to her and not just tell her to fuck off or ignore her…and they throw in a joke about how Jakku is the middle of nowhere during such an otherwise attempting-to-be-emotional scene. “Where are you from, Rey?” “Nowhere.” “Everyone’s from somewhere.” “Jakku.” “Oh! That really is nowhere!” THE CROWD GOES WILD.

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Rian even admits to having put in parody content to stuff he’s liked in the past – worse yet, a parody scene PARODYING a Star Wars parody wherein there’s an iron-shaped space ship landing with a bunch of steam coming out of the bottom like an iron that is filled with ironing robots that clean the First Order uniforms…making this also now canon all for a joke about a parody.

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Bragging about shitty cinematography.

Another thing I never really see people complaining about is the horrible DIRECTING (in fact I’ve seen people praise it) – this nobody who has literally nothing under his belt who got this job through nepotism proves why amateurs should only ever work on stand-alone projects…and maybe ones that ARE NOT ONE OF THE BIGGEST FRANCHISES OF ALL TIME but also not in a position directing a sequel to a film by an ACTUAL GOOD DIRECTOR.

EVERY single plot string that 7 created – every mystery like Snoke, the Knights of Ren, the identity of Rey’s parents, and so on – it’s ALL thrown out the window. Not ignored, no, that would have been better and only happened with the Knights, but aside them Snoke is completely thrown aside forever and is never explained because in the director’s own hilariously retarded words “Rey doesn’t care about Snoke’s backstory so I didn’t bother telling it” because as we all know fiction is about fulfilling the wants of the fictional protagonist and NOT the audience. Plus this would mean Rey DID care about 45 minutes of Finn and a fat ugly vietcong messing around in a full on comedic sci-fi film in a casino and stealing dog-horse aliens from big bad meaniehead one-percenters with absolutely no relevance to anything in the entire film or SW universe because we certainly got THAT so she MUST have cared, right?

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They actively went out of their way to find the ugliest chubbiest “asian-american” they could find too so it’s not just diverse, but body positive as well! It really is interesting how her face is so stereotypically flat while also being so fat.

And Rey’s parent’s? Well, the director would have had to think something up and so he just didn’t bother and went with her parents being literally nobody relevant just some random poor people who sold her off for some gambling money. Wow. Amazing revelation. Maybe it’s a lie – but if it turns out that way that’ll be thanks to JJ, not Rian who clearly meant it literally and canonically. Surely she just didn’t care about that either though, not like it was a main fucking focus of both movies or anything. It’s a good thing Episode 7 didn’t GO OUT OF IT’S WAY TO MAKE BOTH OF THOSE THINGS A VERY BIG MYSTERY THAT ARE MEANT TO BE SOLVED IN VERY BIG WAYS nope not at all it never did such a thing! And don’t forget Snoke – well, no, go ahead not even a relevant character.

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Then there are all the other complaints people do make which, again, are pretty much totally valid issues like how much this damages the lore. I don’t care so much, but even I could tell it does ALOTTA DAMAGE!

Or like how about 5 times in the movie they do the awful “technique” of just cutting from one character’s camera to another to make sure you REALLY GET that these two have a connection, relationship, or are literally speaking to one another at the time.

tmp_DXBQca_b129d6ff384185bd_MCDSTWA_EC214_1_.jpgFor example when Kylo is about to blow up the bridge Leia is on it flashes like 15 times from a camera zoomed in on his face to a camera zoomed in on Leia’s face over and over again (remember that quote image from earlier?). Then it does this again and again with Kylo and Rey throughout the film multiple times. It’s something a high schooler would do while making “movies” with their parents shitty camera and thinking it was kino.

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Then you’ve got the feminist propaganda pieces Leia and Holdo. Leia should have died in 7 mostly because Carrie Fisher had already become a disgusting husk of a degenerated beast thanks to her openly proud of and admitted cocaine addiction. She looks disgusting, she can’t speak properly because her throat and sinuses are completely gone from snorting lines, and she just can’t fucking act for shit because she never fucking could which is exactly why she basically never had any other fucking job in her entire decades worth of time as an “actress”.

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She’s a terrible character who has to chitter out words between her unmovable fake teeth (coke destroys those too!) while being incapable of breathing through her nose and you have to see her disgusting destroyed-by-drug-addiction body shambling about. She’s a gross human being, well not anymore because she’s dead, but still. Which brings up the other problem – they chose to have Leia LIVE past this film…which doesn’t make sense.

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For one, the actress is dead, but more importantly THEY LITERALLY KILL LEIA IN THE MOVIE before 10 minutes later retconning it out with magic because apparently the force 1. manifests just in time all the time even though Leia was never someone with any force power ever at all and 2. lets you survive being dead in the vacuum of space for 10 minutes and then reviving yourself by hilariously green-screen flying back to your ship with force power…which is also NOT A THING THE FORCE CAN DO otherwise why didn’t Obi-wan just revive himself? Why didn’t Darth Vader? Why didn’t Qui-gon? I mean none of them had nearly as much damage done to them as LITERALLY BEING STUCK IN THE VACUUM OF SPACE SO LONG THEIR BODIES WERE ALREADY MOSTLY FROZEN OVER. Hell, why didn’t THE EMPEROR just fucking bring himself back to life over and over again? Why didn’t the YOUNGLINGS ANAKIN!?

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If Fisher was alive this would still be retarded but at least would just be a retarded scene that they did in order to keep pandering to nostalgiafags…but she’s dead. Why not let the character die too and avoid making an ENTIRE MOVIE with her as a fucking awful CG person like they did in Rogue One with that Imperial commander guy from the originals? This was a perfect opportunity to have Leia pass away along with the person playing her, hell it could have even given it some genuine emotional weight as a really big goodbye to someone so beloved by the fans, and instead Rian couldn’t manage to actually stick with it. He’s openly stated, and it’s an easily found quote, that there was no layout for anything past TLJ.

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Rian has stated clearly that he made this movie from scratch with no idea of any future plans either for the story and cast – so there’s not some “well they told him she’s in the third one so…”. Besides, her character is nothing but fucking cringe, just end her already.

Instead this just proves that Rian made almost all his decisions based on “let’s do the opposite of what people expect.” Leia should die story-wise and because her actress died, so she WON’T die even after dying because it’s what people expect. Snoke is the big bad…but heh, I’ll show them he’s completely irrelevant, Rey doesn’t care so why should the viewer? Rey’s parents? Come on, you KNOW people have been trying to figure this out since TRAILERS of 7 so what will they expect LEAST? Them being nobodies! I’m a fucking GENIUS! Hux being a non-retard? NAH. Luke being Luke? No, just use the same actor and name but make sure he’s nothing at all like Luke ever was or could believably become.

Because, as we all know, good filmmaking and storytelling isn’t about good filmmaking and storytelling, it’s about SURPRISES even if those surprises are “HAHA GOT YOU, THAT THING YOU THOUGHT MATTERED DOESN’T” 300 times in a row.

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A CIS-LORD?!

Then there’s the other one, Holdo, the middle-aged #Resist #FuckDrumpf menopausal dyke with purple dyed hair because she thinks she’s a fucking teenager and who wears rags to make her look like a muslim and has a fucking halo because #PrayForParis. Instead of making her a strong woman character like they intended, they make her come off as a hilariously retarded cunt who gets almost everyone killed because she didn’t like that Poe mansplained to her and so never told him the plan (literally the reason being mansplaining though she doesn’t use that word) and so caused a mutiny that also made her shitty plan take LONGER to implement and thus made MORE problems and basically got the entire rebellion killed. She also didn’t support or listen to the plan that Finn and chubs were going to do because Poe was the one trying to tell her about it. Instead of respecting this highly respected HERO OF THE REBELLION she completely shuts him down in order to show that women are stronger than men in a poor attempt by the new writing staff – large very round feminist women, seriously go look up who wrote this film – to try and show what they think leadership is…and it’s kind of very sad they think this is it. She’s also a suicide bomber and they try to make that heroic (they also destroy more canon lore and basic physics). Also by making her do that they missed another opportunity to kill Leia off by having HER do it.

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Speaking of Poe – he really isn’t himself at all in this movie. In 7 he’s much smarter and believable as a human being, but here he’s characterized as nothing but a “flyboy” who doesn’t think at all and jumps to trying to kill everything with his x-wing as his only solution to absolutely any problem. He went from a heroic and intelligent character to a complete dumb-jock stereotype – and why? Probably for the jokes that Rian was able to shove in because of it, like when Finn thinks up a plan to save them all and the first reaction from Poe to “I have a plan” is IS IT FOR ME TO JUMP IN MY XWING AND BLOW IT UP?! And his “””witty quip””” to Holdo when early on she says “you can’t solve everything by jumping in your xwing and blowing it up” and later he goes to her when she needs help and says “I’m gonna solve it by jumping in my xwing and blowing it up ;)”. No, I’m not making that up. He also gets the entirety of the fleet’s fighters and bombers killed off immediately by being retarded to destroy an irrelevant target that isn’t even a threat and that is mass produced.

I guess that first line of this paragraph applies to basically the whole cast though.

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Pictured: Benicio Del Toro before being signed on to TLJ now that the Sicario money is all gone.

Every returning character is completely out of character and almost always just for comedic reasons, and almost the entire NEW cast is just pointless and serves no purpose whatsoever like the fat-flat chinese girl who literally nothing changes about the entire film or SW universe if she were to not have ever existed. Or DJ I think his name is or just Benecio Del Toro as I called him, the guy Finn and uggo meet in the casino who proceeds to do nothing, do something that puts them into another pointless situation, then go back to doing nothing and never appearing in the movie again. Good thing we spent 45 minutes on him. I don’t dislike Benicio as an actor and he was fine as this character, the problem is the character was completely lacking in any relevance. I can only assume he’s going to be in the godawful Han Solo film coming this year and that’s why they shoved him in.

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WATCH OUT FOR CHARLIES UP IN THE TREES

Finn has no development aside the ugly girl loving him literally out of nowhere, Rey has no development aside realizing Kylo Ren isn’t totally lost to the dark side and to learn about Kylo’s past – her character feels more like a generic stand-in for the viewer to get information from rather than a relevant member of the cast this time around, Poe is a dipshit with no purpose in the movie whatsoever aside to show that men are not as smart as women every time he’s in the film it’s just a barrage of women treating him like a dumbass and then him being “proven” to be a sexist shitlord instead of believing a woman could do their job properly and being a dumbass, Luke does a “force projection” of himself that never existed before yet is totally common apparently now and somehow FUCKING DIES even though it’s not really him DEFEATING THE PURPOSE OF BEING A FUCKING PROJECTION…which really, way to go, kill the character who STILL HAS A LIVING ACTOR and doing it also with no fanfare- but don’t kill the cunt who was literally fucking dead in space just like the actress playing her.

This paragraph is the only one with a spoiler you might not know! From “Also space” in the next paragraph there should, again, be no more spoilers you don’t already know.

Luke’s death really is so goddamn stupid though. HE DIES FROM FUCKING NOTHING. NOTHING. I’ve seen so many theories now and literally the only ones anyone can agree on are that the ONLY POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED in every theory is that he died from fucking exhaustion because LITERALLY NOTHING HAPPENED TO HIM HE WAS GALAXIES AWAY. WHICH BY THE WAY YOU CAN APPARENTLY APPEAR 100% LIKE YOURSELF GALAXIES AWAY EASILY WITH THE FORCE…but only if you want to die from doing it? So why do it and not just go? Why miss out on making a cool scene of Luke lifting his X-wing out of the ocean (they even show a shot with it underwater) and giving you a GOOD nostalgic scene just like when he first learned this shit from Yoda and have him fly in to help in that along with R2 after all these years? No. Have him sit on a rock and die from fucking who knows, maybe he had a fucking flu and didn’t drink enough water before force projecting.

Also space. Space itself shows up but makes no sense as when a capital ship “runs out of fuel” it for some reason begins TO SINK. IT LITERALLY JUST SINKS LIKE A BOAT IN THE MIDDLE OF SPACE BECAUSE IT RAN OUT OF PROPELLANT. In space. It stops moving forward losing all momentum and also starts to sink down. In space. Because it ran out of gas. In space. In fact there are a LOT of issues both with how things actually work – which I’m willing to put aside, it’s fucking Star Wars – but also with how inconsistent things tend to be within the movie’s own ruleset especially in how everything is written.

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Note how there is not a single thing shooting at them.

For example one glaring moment in that THE ENTIRE MOVIE relies on this scene existing to continue on and so it did thanks to retarded writing – Kylo Ren and 2 tie fighters attack the fleeing Rebel forces that like 30 star destroyers and a massive special one for Snoke are chasing. These 3 fighters are not fired on (the rebels have literally no fucking armaments available and the fighter pilots all have been grounded and not allowed to fight back), are not ever at any risk, and they alone without any issue blow up the bridge with every single high ranking officer of the rebellion on it with ease. Why don’t they send out more fighters, bombers, and even boarding ships? Why don’t they simply have Kylo Ren and his boys blow up more?

Oh, because “the star destroyers can’t provide us cover this far out”. Let me remind you of what I just said – Kylo Ren and 2 TIE fighters destroy the main capital ship’s bridge without any sort of danger to them, not a single shot fired at them or a single fighter sent to chase them. What the fuck do you need cover for? More importantly when did the Empire or First Order EVER GIVE A SHIT about that? According to Star Wars canonical lore every single star destroyer has basically 1000 total fighters/bombers/troop-transports on board combined. There are like 30 star destroyers and a gigantic continent-sized base with them and you even see inside one with dozens of TIEs sitting around doing nothing. And if you’ve ever seen Star Wars you also know nobody gives a shit about them or their pilots.

BUT NOT THIS TIME! Not the time when WE HAVE LITERALLY THE ONLY PEOPLE LEFT OF THE REBELLION RIGHT IN FRONT OF US! NO WAY!

They send 3 fighters, including their only force-abled member aside their leader to do this but oh, oh, can’t risk sending anyone else into the APPARENTLY INCREDIBLY SAFE attack on these ships that have the ENTIRE REBELLION ON THEM. Not important enough to risk one or two tie fighter pilots losing their lives. You know how the First Order works, they’d NEVER put their people into harms way and love each and every member of their military forces.

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WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS DOING THIS FAR OUT? THE DEATH STAR CAN’T PROVIDE COVER PULL BACK!!!!

If this wasn’t the ENTIRE reason the movie exists – seeing as how over a full hour of the 2 and a half hours is just this chase of the rebels JUUUUST barely being “out of range” of cannon fire from the Star Destroyers, this matters kind of a lot and is far from nitpicking.

There are just more and more problems like that throughout the whole film behind every joke that happens to take your mind away from going “wait a minute…”. You also get “the audience isn’t intelligent enough” moments like when on the completely white planet with red dirt underneath Rian felt it necessary to tell the audience that “this isn’t Hoth, boys ;)” through having a random soldier just decide I SHOULD LICK THE GROUND and going “salt” apropos of absolutely fucking nothing and nobody giving a shit. Literally just “salt”. I won’t even get into the “big moment” when they prove you can just use hyperdrive on one ship and wipe out 30 giant ships that are 50 times the size of yours with ease or how that means all along there’s been no threat because you can just strap big engines to an asteroid to take out everything the Empire has or they could have just had one X-wing pilot do this to the Death Star instead of all this complicated shit of perfect torpedo firing into a tiny hole in a trench.

Actually the next 2 paragraphs have some spoilers you might not know too – and they’re bad in the context I’m talking about but as narrative elements they’re probably worth getting from the film itself and are part of the actually pretty good development of Kylo Ren, so skip to right after the AT-AT image if you haven’t seen it.

Also, and this one is less picky about “realism” and shit – but Luke really is, as Mark Hamill has said himself, not Luke at all. He’s completely unbelievable as Luke Skywalker in the writing, the only thing Luke is the looks. The point is though he just isn’t who Luke ever was in some very actually story-relevant ways, and some ways I just won’t get into that are also relevant but I care less about and are more like dumb bullshit and jokes. The biggest problem is that he attempted to kill Kylo before he was Kylo, when he was just Ben Solo a teenager training under Luke along with a bunch of other teens and maybe some YOUNGLINGS ANAKIN. He was even apparently a fantastic student…but Luke, based ENTIRELY on a premonition that shows Kylo going to the dark side, tries to KILL HIM IN HIS SLEEP. This is the same Luke who wouldn’t even kill Darth Vader and, even before knowing his true identity, always tried to turn him to the light and/or disarm him rather than murder him. Luke’s entire character was meant to be an eternal optimist, almost to the point of being an anime character.

Yet, he’d go to literally his own nephew’s bed and try to kill him because “I’m not so sure about him so I probably should just murder him!”? Really? Hell, he even listens to the same fucking troll fake-yoda that only existed in the cave originally to lead him down the wrong path who appears again in this film (this yoda acts nothing like the real yoda, but completely like the impish one) about destroying this ancient land of the Jedi and lets it fucking happen.

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But I still come around after my complaints – some of which I didn’t even bother mentioning – to the fact I still had an enjoyable totally alright time watching it. I wouldn’t recommend seeing it more than once, I wouldn’t recommend buying it, but if you’re into Star Wars and liked 7 at all and want to see the new trilogy (and the already confirmed MORE new trilogies) then definitely go and see it. Not only because you’ll need to know the things that happen – regardless if they’re stupid or not – so that you can keep up with the next film, but because it’s just so fucking WEIRD thanks to the nonstop unexpected out of place comedy every 30 seconds during every scene regardless of it’s tone. It really is such a strange experience.

Even beyond the comedy the desperation behind Rian’s directing to make EVERYTHING “SUBVERT EXPECTATIONS” ends up with this incredible mess of a narrative. I already said it in plenty of ways but he truly does try to take any and every situation and turn it into a retarded twist of HAHA GOTCHA! but it’s at the expense of pretty much EVERYTHING. Narrative elements, character development, lore, tone, pacing, it doesn’t matter – he needed to make sure EVERYTHING wound up somewhere the viewer didn’t see coming even if it has no value or purpose to it aside being a joke or killing off a main story character with no fanfare in the middle of the trilogy or something as simple as having Finn now be a fucking ace pilot when the ENTIRE PLOT ABOUT HIM AND POE MEETING EVER AT ALL and thus leading to the ENTIRETY of Finn’s future is…well, if you’ve seen Force Awakens the entire reason that happens is because Finn can’t fly fucking anything at all, he can barely even figure out the controls to a gun turret in the back of a TIE fighter. Yet, in TLJ he’s basically a pro with one exception and even manages to land perfectly on moist sand at night. Or the now fairly well known lightsaber toss scene where Luke is given his lightsaber and just throws it over his shoulder off a cliff as a visual quip – WEREN’T EXPECTIN’ THAT ONE WERE YA?!

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Aside all that there’s one other reason I WOULD recommend watching it once and that is Kylo Ren. He incredibly enough is one of the only things that isn’t a joke dispenser and amazingly he, unlike the entire rest of the cast, actually gets a lot of development in this film. It reminds me of Xenosaga 2 in a way in that it’s this retarded, ugly, awful to play middle chapter but that it’s also incredibly important for you to see if you want to continue the story and how it focuses 100% on developing ONE character who isn’t even the lead while treating everything else like it doesn’t matter. The ugly fat girl and Holdo are also like the change in art style to that godawful disgusting creepy look 2 had.

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“Azusa-chan…” whispered Komelo Ren !x3STzMfD3PQ/ through his force connection. She tearfully responded “Why did you do it?! why did you feed me those mashed potatoes when I wanted ice cream, you’re nothing but le niwaka face to me now!”- Star Wars The Last Jedi Novelization

I always liked Kylo, he was ironically the main comedic element of 7 even though now he has no comedy and he was realistic in that he was this confused angsty teen who wanted to be edgy but also wasn’t bad enough for it and so was a massive tryhard who constantly had temper tantrums. It was clear (and made more clear since) that JJ Abrams and Adam Driver both were in on the joke and played it off really well. Kylo became even more charismatic in his own angsty way from non-canonical joke skits and things that Driver would take part in, like the SNL undercover boss skit which was amazingly from SNL actually funny (don’t watch SNL) and how he’s treated in the Lego game.

You, or I at least, liked him for being this super tryhard retard, and that made you want to see him grow as a character and learn what would happen with him and SOMEHOW that’s the one thing that actually does pay off in TLJ in some pretty big ways and it DOES make me curious to see what will happen in the next film especially with an actual director working on it. Kylo Ren leading the First Order along with Hux could end up either really cool or really fucking stupid. There could also be a pretty interesting flip between Kylo going back to the light and Rey ending up pulling an Anakin and going to the dark especially with all the very un-subtle hints about it throughout the film as well as her diving right into the dark side the moment she even was able to. With Luke somehow dead after his magical force projection gets hurt which SOMEHOW ends up killing him anyway there won’t be anyone there to keep her from going bad or keeping Kylo from wanting to go back.

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If I was ranking the movies I’d say this really falls near the first prequel, Episode 1, for me. I liked that movie just fine – I didn’t love it at all but it had a lot of scenes, characters, and so on that I enjoyed quite a bit (young obi-wan, the literal jew-fly, the always hilarious darth maul). It was an alright movie that I very very very rarely will ever rewatch if I ever have at all. While I’d say Rogue One falls alongside Episode 2 – which is an absolute shitheap of a film and Episode 7 is probably my favorite one along with Empire, which does make this kind of disappointing…but really this isn’t so bad. It’s alright and if you like Star Wars but are not a mega-fan I think you’ll enjoy seeing The Last Jedi a single time through just enough to justify it and I think it’s worth it if you want to continue watching the films because obviously then it’s important to see. Just know you’re going in to a comedy.

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5 responses to “Star Wars : The Last Jedi – Movie Review

  1. Pingback: Mini-Reviews of Movies I Watched In 2018 – Part 1 |·

  2. And I must say it’s nice to see someone else who didn’t think TPM was that bad, at least not as bad as AOTC which really is as bad as everyone says. The only part of your ranking I disagree with was TFA, which isn’t anywhere near the best of the franchise imo.

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    • Yeah, almost nobody agrees about TFA but I just really liked everything about it a lot. I can get where people get it being lazy from but I don’t really see it that way, it’s a reimagining of the original yet it does it while understanding that the original trilogy happened already so you get this “very familiar” movie with so many elements that were to me much more fun and interesting because they existed in a way that ONLY COULD EXIST THAT WAY thanks to being a similar story in a galaxy where that already happened. I think Kylo Ren is really the best example of it in TFA – his entire character is based on the fact that Vader was already around and he’s actively canonically trying to be exactly like him. Even Rey’s whole character is a girl who doesn’t start that way but ends up basically following (or more like chasing after) Luke’s footsteps to the point she even literally uses his lightsaber and befriends his friends to achieve goals along the way. It made it go from lazy rehash to a really unique psuedo-recreation through people basically attempting to copy these people.

      Sure, maybe not the greatest concept in the world, but it’s very creative and pretty unique at least in terms of how it was executed (again, especially with Kylo specifically). I also just liked the characters more than the OT ones, really as much as I do love the original trilogy as much as anyone else I never at all liked Luke, I don’t like how they FUCKED HIM ENTIRELY in THIS movie like I could appreciate his character but he was always kind of just obnoxious and had such a generic harem protagonist SAO level of writing behind him. “I AM THE GOOD CHARACTER HERO” was literally all he ever had for a personality (which is part of why TLJ fucked up so badly with making what he is now believable at all). Han was okay and worked as a way to lighten the mood without going full comedy routine. The droids were fine. Leia was awful I never fucking liked her. There was like no charisma or personality to anybody in those movies aside Han, Yoda somewhat, Obi-wan, and Vader. While with TFA I felt everyone was a strongly designed character (maybe not Rey as much as the rest, she’s fairly mary sue) that had more to them than “I am the eternal optimist”, “I am the witty guy”, “I am the perfect princess”, “I’m Lando” (okay Lando was pretty likable too).

      I was into Star Wars before TFA almost exclusively for storm troopers, Star Destroyers, AT-ATs, TIE fighters, Vader, and Boba Fett all of which I DID love unlike the rest of what the films contained but in TFA I found that I actually enjoyed the main cast for once and even all the bad guys had me interested from Snoke’s mysteriousness to Phasma’s grudge with Finn and Hux just kind of in general. Even the tiny things like the now meme’d TRAITOR scene felt good to me because instead of treating it like NOBODY IN THE FIRST ORDER KNOWS FINN they made sure to have a random non-character recognize him, be angry at him for betraying this cause they all believe in and dedicated themselves to their entire lives, and this random 10 second nobody felt like he had more to him than “just another stormtrooper”. Sure the EU developed some non-characters like “Davin Felth” but this was right in the film during a big chaotic battle and gave the scene something more personal and even was relevant to how the scene played out giving a reason for why he dropped his gun and shield instead of just blasting him immediately – it was a vengeful thing not just a “kill the rebel scum” thing. What Finn had done meant something to this guy, whoever he was, and he must have known him personally to recognize him immediately and in a hectic chaotic battlefield. I don’t need 3 novels telling me about this guy’s life, but this scene alone did added a lot to the First Order, to current Finn, and to who Finn was.

      If the prequels were all on par with RoTS I may POSSIBLY even, I can’t say for sure of course, have liked it more than the OT too (maybe if they took out Jarjar too and replaced Christensen with a real actor as well) because even in the prequels aside the second one everyone felt so much more of a full person (again, if Christensen was replaced) and was so much more likable for it plus clones were cool and there was a lot of really cool vehicles and tech.

      How I tend to feel about anime sort of works the same for me with movies – my number one thing almost always is the characters and TFA has some really strong and enjoyable ones especially in comparison to the mostly flat ones of the OT which were great but very clearly made by westerners as “you serve this purpose so this is the one defining character trait you have” because the movie was more about everything going on rather than the characters, and I guess that just doesn’t appeal to me as much as the more personality-focused TFA. It’s too bad TLJ decided to throw that away and go with something that neither one had before of “fuck it, just make them slapstick comedians who yell out reddit quips”.

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  3. Funny how they had to erase the entire expanded universe from the canon just to avoid contradicting lore, and they still ended up doing that anyway.

    And yeah, maybe if this movie didn’t shove so many useless plot threads and “gotcha” moments down the audience’s throats, it probably could have told an engaging story just like the OT. As it is, it’s barely any better than the prequels.

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    • It’s almost as if making a trilogy based story that takes place one after the next shouldn’t be done by different directors and writing staff all with no relation or communication between each other.

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