E3 2017 Wrap-Up and Thoughts on “Diversity” in Gaming

Another E3 has come to pass – well, mostly, this year being open to the public made it all wonky but the press conferences are all done with including Nintendo’s stupid pre-recorded video crap they always do. So, it’s time to go through the big stuff, the good stuff, and the shit stuff. I’ll start with the former so that things can go up in positivity. Note: I haven’t followed most of what’s happened outside of the conferences including stuff I’d be really interested in such as Yakuza 6, .hack//GU, 13 sentinels, Gust stuff and of course a certain game about life and hometown with waterguns – so if I’m missing some obvious games (likely Japanese, given they rarely get any time in the shows) I just don’t know about it yet is all or didn’t see it mentioned at all during E3 so didn’t include it. I was thinking of going through each presser but that’d be a pain.

I really don’t like ever including my extremely obvious political views into my posts for the most part; I feel they have no relevance to video games, anime, or anything but actual political discussion with a few exceptions that don’t delve too deep. However my hand has been forced as the left has decided everything has to be completely political and so it can’t be helped. A lot of the bad this year comes in the form of some really poorly done ironically-racist forced diversity along with some just plain embarrassing Never-Trump #resist bullshit filling up a lot of the west’s upcoming titles both in their trailers and in the actual games themselves as a core component. That isn’t me relating them myself, it’s blatantly obvious in what they showed and the timing of releasing trailers and/or games like this right now, just like that Mafia 3 pile of shit which was cashing in on the anti-white terrorist movement known as BLM rather than having fucking anything to do with the mafia. It’s also just as clear that, regardless of what you might pretend to believe the intentions were or were not, the consumers clearly took these things as anti-POTUS and anti-white messaging and applauded them for it if you look at any comment section anywhere or any forums at all. Beyond that – and this is important – these games for the most part also seem to be just bad games in general which isn’t that surprising given they were developed for political purposes rather than fun gameplay or interesting storytelling.

I edited this in right before posting – just earlier today a congressional baseball game practice was the target of a shooting by someone who first patrolled around and asked if the people on the field were democrats or republicans before only shortly later opening fire on the republican side of things with an assault rifle, handgun, and loads of ammo. Do we as a nation need more propaganda telling the left to murder the literal nazis of the right when they’re already at the point of doing something like this? Do we STILL need to keep piling on more evidence stacked up proving the mainstream media and pieces of shit like Colbert and Oliver (both of which this man was an open fan of) are essentially indoctrinating people into the left’s own killing squads by telling them again and again how evil Trump is, how evil white people all are, how evil anyone who doesn’t full-on agree with the hard-left’s views needs to die? Do we really? Yes, sadly we do, because just like when children get targeted in Europe at a shitty concert by fucking muslims and the left defends the muslim so too will the left defend whoever this shooter was and somehow blame the victims because of “centuries of oppression” and “the patriarchy” forcing him to do it while they applaud the attacker for doing what they just aren’t “brave” enough to do with their antifa comrades who will soon start acid attacks and shootings given they already stab people and now this. This is the world you “bernie bros” and anti-trumpers have brought upon us – you can’t even walk your dog at the park without some fucking insane lefty dumping rounds right next to you because there are people nearby who believe politically different things from them. When they aren’t shooting you they’re beating you with metal bike locks to the head and pepper spraying women who just happen to be wearing red in the wrong place. But right, Trump and his supporters are the dangerous ones.

even CNN can’t spin this one

Who would have thought the first shot would come from the gun-hating left and the “peace-loving” Bernie supporters and not the literal actual ‘fully proven’ evil gun-loving white-trash nazis who are one step away from going full 14/88 and slaughtering every non-Aryan they come across according to every single thing you’d see on television and every single video game announced this year which not only screams how evil whites and republicans are – but that you MUST KILL THEM or they will turn America into a bloodbath while not even realizing the fucked up irony. The fact the shooter was white doesn’t change a thing – ever taken a look at who the majority in BLM and Antifa are? Baby boomer liberals (the shooter in this specific case being one, as seen in the above image – especially ones like him with huge criminal backgrounds not limited to but including beating women unsurprisingly) and their adult-children who were further indoctrinated in modern universities that teach nothing but hatred rather than knowledge. At the very least everyone on the left can’t shoot for shit because guns are scaaaary – he spat out over 100 rounds from cover and without warning and didn’t kill anyone with only one possible exception who is currently in critical condition.

But bravo on getting those diversity points Ubishit – worth supporting the collateral damage especially if it was just to republicans anyway, right? Speaking of blacks and SJWs, they’re all over twitter as we speak bitching about this shooter’s white privilege or some shit even though the police fucking murdered the dude on the spot meanwhile if he was black they’d be screaming racism. Fucking idiotic pieces of shit.

Let’s get back to the games and pretend to wonder why I have to spend so much of this post talking about politics.

Just SOME of the “totally diverse” same character in every game shown at E3. Obviously not including Mafia 3 as it’s out already. Not that it sold.

I have absolutely no problem with having a diverse cast of characters in a game, but these are not characters – they’re lifeless stereotyped caricatures thrown in to check off a box so that the social justice crowd will applaud them without even realizing this is the exact opposite of what they claim to fight for. Every black woman in every game shown at E3 (so almost every game that wasn’t made in Japan) has a huge nose, gigantic lips, most have enormous – I really mean just insanely large – afros, have the DARKEST skin nearing that of shadows, and they ALL speak in psuedo-ebonics while being incredibly aggressive without cause for it. That’s not just lacking in the whole “unique character” aspect that DIVERSITY SHOULD MEAN, but it’s also unbelievably racist while being paraded around as some “win” for blacks and Berkeley teens. Is that what you people want? To have the negative stereotypes about certain minority groups reinforced? That all blacks are fucking idiots who can’t speak properly, have unruly gigantic globes of nappy hair, have aggressive personalities and get violent for little-to-no reason at all, and have lips and noses that take up most of their face? That’s your multicultural videogame paradise that embraces various cultures and races and empowers them? Or am I meant to take your love of this stuff as a sign that stereotypes are actually correct and that I should wholeheartedly believe in them?

A diverse cast shouldn’t mean racist caricatures of shadow-skinned cunts yelling at me through their fat lips for being white in broken English to directly quote, “juss whoda fuckkayuu, white boiii?”, while pointing a rifle into my face, such as B.J. Blazkowicz in Wolfenstein has to deal with immediately upon even meeting one of them in the new Wolfenstein II trailer. A game entirely about evil literal-nazis working alongside the KKK after taking over America and a group of diversity hires #resisting evil Dru- evil Hitler by murdering most of the white people they can find. The team is made up of the most hilarious rendition of a black woman possible, a STRONG EMPOWERED pregnant woman, and a fucking cripple who is missing limbs. I’m all for killing nazis – that’s fine, I don’t care, but that’s not even something I can truly mean nowadays because to the left “nazi” means “anybody that isn’t a hardcore far-leftist” and so do the developers and everyone seeing this trailer. Meanwhile the entire point of the game is to murder every single right winger and/or whitey you possibly can beyond the “good” ones.

Seriously, just stop.

A diverse cast should be about the actual characters in that cast. The person, not the face or race. There’s a reason Japanese games manage to tell such amazing character-driven stories even while featuring almost entirely anime-white/asian characters for the most part and that’s because they actually WRITE DIVERSE CHARACTERS which is how you make something diverse, not by throwing blacks into everything. Go ahead and throw them in – but make sure they are more than stereotypes who are identical to EVERY SINGLE OTHER BLACK IN EVERY SINGLE OTHER GAME not a single one of these black women is notably different from the next. They aren’t diverse because they are literally just the same goddamn character copy pasted over and over again and designed to be as black as possible to make sure you know blacks are special and our development studio loves blacks to appease, well, blacks and the left.

Here’s a surprise. Nobody gives a fuck that you’re black, shut the fuck up about it and grow as a person – then maybe you’ll be treated like a human being like everyone else. This is true just as much in video games as it is in real life, and just as much of a problem in both as well.

And really, how the fuck is putting a black woman in a game making it diverse? Blacks aren’t more than a drop in a bucket of a fucking ton of races and ethnicities on Earth – and in America they only make up less than 15% of the entire nation (while committing over 50% of violent crimes!). How come it’s only them ever being represented? Where is the ACTUAL diversity? Slavs? Hispanics? Maoris? Chinese? Spaniards? Zainichi Koreans? Irish? Italians? Sicilians? Nordics? (((Them)))? Oh, right, some of those are “white” and so they don’t count because FUCK whitey (*except those with Jewish backgrounds)! And latinos or asians? Well, blacks and Mexicans tend to dislike each other so fuck them, right? As for the Asians, Hitler called the Japanese honorary Aryans so they’re basically white anyway I guess? And Muslims just don’t exist in games because if they did you’d just have nothing but murder spree games beyond even the likes of GTA.

Actually there was ONE SINGLE EXAMPLE of a non-black “diversity” character, a monkey (a literal one) who acts like a stereotypical asian-american gang banger. You know the type, they dress, act, and talk like blacks while throwing Pinoy Pride stickers on fucking everything and immediately fleeing any time a black gang moves in on them. Another caricature aside his accent rather than something positive at all.

WE.

Even more sadly there is something that SHOULD be non-black diversity but hilariously was what I can only call “blackwashed” in a game that loves to talk about it’s love of diversity and cultures every time it starts up – the new Assassin’s Creed. Egypt was never black, is not black now, and never will be black. Egypt is a Mediterranean area with Mediterranean and middle eastern people filling it with the oh-so-ironic legions of black SLAVES sold to them by black slave owners from Egypt’s neighbors in Africa. Do you call Sicilians or Iranians black too? Do they count as “honorary negros” to the black race and SJWs just because they can be somewhat brown to even pretty damn dark? Not last I checked they fucking don’t. Black is not diversity, in fact it’s the least diverse group on the planet as you can correctly link almost all of them to the same culture and from the same location unlike whites, asians, and even to a lesser extent hispanics – all of which come from all around the planet and from a billion different cultural backgrounds. The game looks like shit anyway – it’s even worse than if it was just generic AC instead it’s Wildlands with an AC skin. I like Wildlands it’s a totally serviceable game to waste time with, but this is just lazy and unfitting. I’ll say at the very least sometimes the character and others in the game come off as more correctly colored and cultured as they should be, but most of the time they’re represented pretty blatantly as blacks in promotional work and the narrative itself from what we’ve been shown.

Let’s get away from race specifically and look at the other problem of games being made to cash in on current political fads and continue the propagation of propaganda. Farcry 5 is literally nothing BUT an anti-white propaganda piece. Look at the timing, look at the focus, and look at the fan reaction. The entire game revolves around a bunch of insane nearly white-only cultist conservatives (again this is how it’s PRESENTED – the game may have some blacks or hispanics in the group, doesn’t matter at this point – plus there are plenty of both of those in the MAGA group) taking over a huge swathe of land including all the people within the area and going around murdering any non-followers brutally in the streets. This is LITERALLY the insane vision of the near-future the left has all because Donald Trump is president so apparently we’re less than a full step away from white murder squads killing all minorities and non-trump enthusiasts.

Even Jeff Gerstmann of Giant Bomb outright said that he was disappointed by the new trailer because, unlike the initial reveal, this one had some lighthearted fun mixed in and was ruining what is “very important [because] this is almost real life right now” in his cozy wine-country 4-bedroom 2-bathroom house in an incredibly safe and wealthy white-only neighborhood with no crime outside of drug abuse and illegal fireworks usage where he partakes in “culturally appropriating” every bit of black culture he possibly can by pretending to be black in every single way aside his skin tone while lapping up the luxury of the white man’s “privilege” before muting the rap music to listen to news about Scalise being shot and applauding the shooter for taking out those filthy republicans. Trump really is destroying America, be scared because your town is next!

Don’t worry – the main focus of the trailer was not only to show the insanity of white people who love God and America, but to also showcase that your partner in stopping these evil Aryans is a truly empowered black woman who talks like a dumb street thug “boom boom mufugga” being her genuine actual triumphant line as she shoots a white devil in the head. Again, beyond that also just looks like the most generic bland Farcry gameplay.

You know what, I’m done with this line of thought. You get the point, I’m clearly a literal nazi who hates black people because I want them to write good black characters instead of shoving in Shaniqua with her fat lips and giant fro who talks like an uneducated scumbag, I’m the bad guy of course. Luckily a lot of this was contained in Ubisoft’s trash heap. Let’s talk about the other games without all this political shit.

Well okay, just that one last bit as we dive into a realm of lefties bitching all the same about Mario of all things – an incredibly insensitive caricature of Italians loved by pretty much everyone, even I have to admit he’s an important icon of the industry – “culturally appropriating” Mexicans by his new game having a fucking sombrero in it. I don’t even know how that could be white supremacy so I’m not even going to comment on that.

Mario Odyssey is…well, it’s kinda shit as usual. It’s a generic Mario game with one new gimmick where the hat can make you control things instead of Mario. It’s a slight step in an interesting direction for the franchise, but nothing more than that, and the whole “B-B-B-BUT THERE ARE CARS AND PEOPLE!” thing doesn’t really mean shit, especially when based on the nearly half hour of gameplay they showed it just comes off extremely similar to a certain Sonic game that tried the same thing and adds just as much “fucking nothing” to the game as that did. Yet, every reaction to this has been just unbelievable insanity and utterly baffled people screaming things along the line of “OH MY GOD THIS IS JUST WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN HAPPENING IT’S AMAZING I CAN’T EVEN WRAP MY HEAD AROUND IT HOLY SHIT MAYA-MUTTUH-SON YOU REALLY DID IT AGAIN THIS IS JUST FUCKING MINDBLOWING HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO GODDAMN GREAT I JUST WOW I CAN’T EVEN!!!!”.

The “treehouse” staff weren’t exactly better, with one of them psuedo-interviewing some devs as the gameplay was shown and proving once again how retarded the Nintendo fanbase is and how much they truly believe Nintendo innovates and imagines up every single thing it does and that nothing they do has EVER been done before. I’m talking about this interviewer asking, and this is verbatim, “You can actually buy things with your coins, and I wanted to ask the developers how that came up.” Nintendo finally did it. They invented the concept of exchanging currency for goods or services. Holy shit, Mooyoo mowtuh-sun, you should be the president of the world order.

I understand the retardation of the Nintendo fanbase and it is something I can tolerate because it’s never really been any worse than it has been for years now. The problem here is just that I don’t get what the fuck is going through their mind to make them react in THAT big a way to something that is barely a quarter-step away from the norm for the franchise. The gameplay is IDENTICAL to every single Mario since the trash fire that was 64 with the exception of the hat letting you do similar gameplay in different looking character models. What is it that was just so goddamn unbelievably amazing here? And why wasn’t this the response to the Rabbids crossover instead?

Then there’s Life is Strange: Before the Storm. What the fuck is the point of this? I actually enjoyed the original LiS quite a bit as surprising as that may be, but I don’t understand why this exists at all. It’s a prequel which means the whole gimmick of time travel cannot exist without destroying the lore entirely and – far more importantly – it tells a story we already completely know from start to finish. It’s about Chloe and Rachel before Rachel ends up dead in a fucking ditch and Chloe goes all hardcore edgelord druggy rebel. We know exactly step-by-step what happened to Rachel and Chloe. Why make a prequel that doesn’t tell us a single new thing and lacks the core game mechanic as well? They can’t even replace it with some other new ability because we know Chloe and Rachel and EVERYONE ELSE IN THE GODDAMN TOWN is completely normal – at least in terms of any supernatural abilities. Chloe doesn’t even have the same VA due to the strike so it’s even stupider.

Onto the positives though – there were quite a few games either announced or just that got more shown off this year that I’m interested in that didn’t disappoint in their showings this time around. Some of the ones I’m interested in but don’t have a whole lot to say about would be Moss – which looks like an adorable and fun little time with an adventuring mouse through ancient ruins of ancient mouse kingdoms but sadly is VR only, Need For Speed Payback which looks like Rivals which I actually really enjoyed mixed with the plot and over-the-top action of Fast and Furious, Tropico 6 which is a franchise I love and am excited to see a new release coming for, and Skull and Bones which is Assassin’s Creed Black Flag’s ship combat turned into what seems to be not just PVP 5v5 matches but also single player and co-op. It looks pretty cool and I really liked Black Flag so I’ll look forward to it for now. Oh, and Everybody’s Golf – the Hot Shots Golf games have always been really fun and cute so I’m glad to see a new one finally coming out.

Undertale which is coming to PS4. I love Undertale, I didn’t ever expect to but I ended up playing it and it got to me in a way games never really have, I got the “true” ending my first time through and it was really such a wonderful and emotional game ESPECIALLY playing it through that way and not ever doing it the other ways and I’m just glad to see it succeeding even if the fanbase is fucking egregiously shit. I’m also really glad the Japanese will finally be getting a legitimately localized version because even the Japanese who played it in English or half-assed fan translations missed out on a lot of the stupid-fun of the dialogue and jokes. Why am I so glad about this being localized for them? Well, this game is probably the closest a game has come to just being an anime in it’s writing and Japanese sure seem to love those cartoons of theirs.

One of the games I unexpectedly am looking forward to would have to be the new Spiderman. I hate comics and I hate superhero shit because, unlike My Hero Academia, it’s never done right even by the things that influenced that series. This game actually looks really pretty cool though and features Yuri Lowenthal as the namesake character. The gameplay looked reminiscent of Sleeping Dogs mixed with cool shit you can do thanks to the spider powers like wrap people up with the web or even just straight up run on walls. The trailer shown also featured some heavy QTE moments which unlike most I’m actually alright with – cinematic moments with QTEs done right can be fantastic, just look at the Yakuza franchise or most notably Asura’s Wrath. Incredible games that have loads of QTEs that understand they can be done in a meaningful or really badass or fun way (let’s not forget RE’s push square to punch the boulder) and not just be a way to keep you from putting the controller down during cutscenes.

Call of Duty‘s new title taking place in World War II also seems really interesting. We all got tired of WWII games when they oversaturated the market way back when – but it’s been like over a decade now. We’ve had years of modern warfare followed by years of futuristic warfare. It’s time to go back to this. You might be surprised this isn’t up in the “DRUMPF IS A LITERAL NAZI REEE” category but nothing about the way this game was presented – ironically while featuring ACTUAL Nazis – ever seemed to even try to pander to that crowd and felt like a genuine attempt to go back to a great setting for a game that hasn’t been touched with new technology in forever. It’s also clearly meant to counter Battlefield 1 – and I have to say it’s easily passed it. Don’t get me wrong, I hate CoD multiplayer, but their single player campaigns are always really damn good and very well directed, they’re like top-tier action flicks and I expect this to be another one or perhaps a more somber Band of Brothers type of deal.

Kingdom Hearts 3. I want to write a post, I don’t know if I ever will though, about this series because only very recently did I ever actually give it a new shot. I tried KH when the original game released and played about halfway through before dropping it and never looking back until all these years later when PS4 got that collection of a bunch of them. Ever since Aqua got introduced I’ve been tempted to go back purely because I find her to be cute – what I got instead was an actually really enjoyable series that I somehow simultaneously enjoy while hating almost everything about. I hate Disney, I hate the combat in half of them, I hate Namine, I hate shit that constantly destroys it’s own canon for the sake of complicating itself to appear more deep. There’s just something about KH that made me end up really liking it this time around though – and I have to say Birth By Sleep is a genuinely good video game overall. It’s been a real fun ride watching how this series influenced Nomura’s Final Fantasy work as well and once you give in to the stupidity the series is really entertaining and stupid in a good way while also having a surprisingly good cast. Point is, I actually like Kingdom Hearts now so I’m kind of excited for 3. Luckily I won’t have to wait nearly as long as most even if it takes another 30 years to release.

A Way Out – this is a strictly co-op game that has you and another player attempting to break out of prison and based on the trailer doing a lot more as well. I’m usually excited for co-op games to begin with, but this one is especially unique in that the game is doing some stuff with the co-op that hasn’t really been done before and seems REALLY cool. It’s hard to explain really, so watch this gameplay trailer with a guy explaining the systems if you haven’t seen it.

Ace Combat 7. I mean come on. Ace Combat went from arcadey dogfighter to one of the most unbelievably immersive games in the entire industry along with stories that were worthy of top-tier anime mixed with some really great flight combat mechanics. Horizon was a big bump in the road especially after 6 which was already pretty questionable, but we’re back to Strangereal and seemingly back to the proper gameplay. This is a series I cannot recommend enough – specifically 5 and Zero. If you love anime you’ll love these and I guarantee that immersion will get to you too. They do such an amazing job at truly making you feel like you’re creating a legacy and becoming a hero for your people while struggling against some insane weaponry and equally notorious enemies. The radio chatter is some of the best ever as well. 7 seems to be a return to form and I really fucking hope it is. Oh, and the music in these games is fucking glorious and turns already cool dogfights into truly amazing encounters especially when you fly over enemy ground forces and hear their radio communications going crazy and freaking out because they saw your wing of fighters fly over while simultaneously hearing your own troops mid-battle having their morale go way up and charging ever forward after seeing the heros zoom past in the sky. God, I really love these games. Probably top 10 material for me. It’s a series that shows what games can truly be at their finest both in storytelling and in gameplay – even if none of the rest of the medium reaches the same level of quality. Don’t let me down 7!

Last but not least before my two biggest surprises of the event: Code Vein. This was already announced a little while ago but we got to see a lot more of it and damn does it look good. It’s very literally an anime version of Dark Souls from the looks of things – but not so lazy as it sounds. It’s by the same team that made the God Eater games, you know the guys who took Monster Hunter and redesigned it into something arguably way better, way cooler, and no matter how you feel about them at the very least something that was very much it’s own thing and not just a clone. That’s clearly happening with Code Vein’s Souls influence as well, and I can’t wait to see more of it. I don’t love the Souls games but I do enjoy them until I get bored and never finish them. CV looks not only like it’ll be really fun – but like it’ll maybe actually feature a goddamn story for once so I’ll bother to keep playing. The game has some serious fucking style too. I’m probably most looking forward to this one, Ace Combat, and the second surprise coming up.

As for the most surprising things there were 2 – one more in an overall sense and the other just in terms of what it turned out to be. The latter somehow ends up easily going to Mario x Rabbids, a game that had the fact it was being made leaked – but not what it would BE. I don’t own a Switch and have no interest in one, in fact I kind of hate Nintendo and have since they released the N64 and have found little to no enjoyment in a single thing they’ve created since the SNES. The fanbase is also just pathetic and obnoxious, it’s a compliment to just call them manchildren when it goes far beyond that into completely brainwashed retards with their insane reactions to the most mundane bland and often rehashed shit. I went over this earlier with the reactions to Mario Odyssey. However, Mario x Rabbids is actually deserving of their completely baffled, confused, and shocked reactions yet got little of that. It only didn’t get that because, further proving Nintendo fans aren’t fans of the hardware or the games and just the name, it’s made by Ubisoft and not Nintendo. But why does it deserve that reaction, regardless of if it got it or not?

Well, it’s very literally XCOM. That’s no exaggeration or generalization, it’s so close that I’m willing to bet a lawyer is already writing up something to file with the courts for 2K Games. Not only are the game mechanics the exact same in every single aspect, but even the presentation is 1:1 down to the zoom and slow motion for certain attacking turns. It’s the first Nintendo based game I’ve been interested in since…I don’t even know when. I can say it’s the first Mario related game I’ve been interested in since Super though, and it’s entirely thanks to Ubisoft taking this license and making possibly the LAST THING you would ever expect. I could imagine an FPS mario sooner than this, especially with some sort of toy guns or something. But no, here’s Mario just shooting fucking rabbids while hiding behind half-cover as Luigi-Rabbid is in overwatch in case any of the bads make a move. Of course the guns are “not killing them” but come on. Definitely the most SURPRISING THING in terms of “WHAT?” and something that, if it wasn’t only on a console with nothing worthwhile, I might actually have checked out at some point.

However, the most actually like big surprise announcement of E3 came during the Sony conference. Monster Hunter World. It’s not on Switch, it’s not on a handheld, and it’s actually really fucking good looking both in terms of graphics and the game itself. Even if you aren’t a fan of Monster Hunter if you know anything about video games you should know just how huge of a deal this is. This alone in terms of business makes Sony the easy “winner” of the entire show as well as gives them a continued victory in console sales over the next few years primarily in Japan. Monster Hunter might not be HUGE in the west but in Japan it’s nearly as big as fucking Pokemon, the fact this is coming to Playstation 4 is REALLY FUCKING BIG NEWS no matter how you feel about the product itself. Yes, it’s going to be on Xbone as well but guess who hates that console and guess where it basically sold nothing just like it’s predecessors and what location has no OTHER incentive to buy one? Oh. Japan. The same people who are really into this franchise to begin with, making the fact it’s multiplat completely irrelevant. Millions of Japanese who weren’t sure about buying a newer console or were fine with just their Wii-U/Switch are going to throw down the cash for a PS4 for this and all the other Japanese games on there now with this. This is one of those moments where if you owned any stock in Sony you’d be incredibly happy.

Beyond just finances and “huge for Sony” I have to say as someone who never cared about MonHun this genuinely has me SUPER interested. I really want to play this game. I may not have ever played a true Monster Hunter release for more than a short period (and disliked it) but I have played and LOVED Freedom Wars and the God Eater series of games, MonHun clones essentially – so I’m hopeful and actually excited for this. It looks really fucking cool and word is they’re going to make the game a little more accessible as well instead of being bogged down with pointlessly complex systems and terrible camera controls mixed with graphics that looked like mud smeared on different colored mud.

All in all, I’ll admit this year didn’t have any moments that blew me away like last year which has multiple – but is it fair to compare anything to a year that Final Fantasy 7’s Remake was officially announced after years of being worked on without a single leak? No, it really isn’t.

If I had to use the stupid grading system I’d probably give Sony a B this time around instead of the S they earned before – they spent almost no time talking and the entire time showing video games along with some big surprises and also some pretty cool effects for people in the actual theater. It just fails to live up to what I just said, which isn’t fair but it is what it is. A pretty good showcase but aside a couple exceptions it wasn’t super exciting just very good.

Nintendo gets an F. Yes, I have a strong distaste for the company but that’s not the problem here – I can give credit where it’s due. Yet, the one game that was actually interesting and “new” for them at least wasn’t by them and wasn’t shown by them because it’s an Ubisoft game. More importantly, they get an F because they didn’t actually have an E3 presser – they did the same “we can’t act like an actual business or our manchildren will riot against us” bullshit with their stupid fucking youtube videos and godawful cringe “treehouse” shit. They announced nothing new that wasn’t just more cashing in on old franchises with identical games for the nth time. Aside the previously mentioned game, they did spend ONE SENTENCE on saying a new full on Pokemon title is being worked on for the Switch…and yeah, one sentence, that was it and even then Pokemon is an established long running always-the-same franchise but at least a full game made for a console would be a big change.

Even their promotional material just showed the fucking processor.

Microsoft a C- to a D+. It was really mediocre in terms of game content and they still can’t handle realizing video games are about…well, video games. They spent almost half the conference showing off a Porche on stage and talking about really irrelevant terraflops and water-cooling cores to try and get normies with “computer jargon” and big numbers. They also said “the most powerful console” almost every other sentence by anyone on the stage. Worse, every single trailer – LITERALLY every single trailer – started with a guy going “EXCLUSIVE…”. Not only was it annoying but it wasn’t even true – every single game they showed is available on PC and almost all the rest are TIMED exclusives that are already confirmed for PS4 as well. Doubly stupid when they spent a good 10 minutes talking up the “44 games 20 of which are XBOX ONE EXCLUSIVES”. Also the Xbox One X aside being named like a dumb pile of shit is 500 fucking dollars. The reason I consider giving them a C- is because they had some of the trailers I was excited for in their not-so-exclusive line-up of “exclusives” like Code Vein.

YO WHITE BOI YALL BETTA BE GI’N US DAT GOOD GRADES N SHIET

Ubisoft was a typical cringy mess including having a melting panda dabbing after dancing terribly which is basically a questionable D but they had that Rabbids Mario thing so maybe a D+. Hell, I’ll give them the D+ purely because there was no #Girlwood this year. Then again almost 100% of their games were the problem I spoke of in the former portion of this post so maybe not.

EA I honestly kind of forgot but I feel like it was fine so I’ll just give them a C-. Really, I just don’t remember it was the first one so it doesn’t necessarily mean “it was shit so I forgot” or anything, I just really don’t recall. I know they showed some okay stuff and I love Madden – sorry – so I’m sure it was probably fine while full of trash and E-sports most likely. It’s EA, they kind of are a C- company to begin with.

Lastly, Bethesda shares Nintendo’s ranking with an F because who the fuck cares about Bethesda and who cares enough to enjoy a pre-made video presenting nothing worthwhile? They also are trying to push paid mods again, wooo!

And that’s kinda it. E3 was good but it wasn’t spectacular nor was it mega-cringe to laugh at, while the focus was definitely on games aside from with Microsoft, a lot of it felt a bit flat this time around. Don’t worry, there was still enough dumb bullshit like a guy on stage apparently “shoutcasting” which nowadays I guess just means screaming commentary about e-sports and as always a Just Dance segment and plenty of other stuff to make fun compilations of though. Now keep your goddamn politics out of my video games.

AND OHHH HE’S GONE INTO A RACIST TIRADE NOW AND THERE IT IS HE’S CALLED YOU KNOW WHO OUT IT’S GOING DOWN NOW AND THE WHOLE FIVE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW HIS POSTS ARE UNSUBBING WHAT A SEASON, WHAT A SEASON!