Worst Game of 2013

And even closer to the year change comes the WORST game of 2013!

Worst Game of The Year

Toki no Towa / Time and Eternity

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This is a no-brainer and honestly I think worst ‘of the year’ is going easy on it. Toki no Towa is easily one of the worst, if not THE very worst game of the last console generation; including shovelware. It is absolutely fucking abysmal and sadly not in the “so bad it’s good” way. This is not something worth “checking out myself to see how bad it is” nor is it something you’ll even get a chuckle out of. It is pure and complete shit and I simply have no way of saying it that gets that point across better. It has some of the worst animations in gaming history, especially the walking/running one (which you see almost constantly), the most godawful attempt at an interesting concept (that weird mix of 3D and 2D), awful combat that is both incredibly boring along with being terribly slow, writing that is barely worth being called that, characters that are completely fucking obnoxious and it’s just shit. Plain fucking garbage.

Do not play this game. Do not ‘try it to see how bad it is’. This is a game that’s so bad it is just fucking bad. This is the one time you will see me unable to say “still better than Ni no Kuni” about a game, because I’d rather platinum that then play 5 more minutes of this ever again. I am not exaggerating.

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Runners Up

Bioshit Unfun Innit

Hope that spoiled the game for you so you don't fucking play it.

Hope that spoiled the game for you so you don’t fucking play it.

The game’s story is pathetic (the lead writer himself admitting he ‘likes to write about things he doesn’t understand’ because it ‘interests him more’), the art is terrible, the settings are uninspired and as vapid as the cast, plotholes everywhere (not that they matter with how shitty the plot is to begin with), and most importantly the gameplay is fucking laughably pathetic. You can’t get lost or stuck, there are no puzzles and the one that there is is so eas – WAIT A MINUTE…THAT CARD! which is no harder to find in that it (and the answer that the game tells you without giving you time to even think on your own first) is forced for you to find in a linear path you have to walk at the start of the game. You cannot die. You cannot ‘lose’. You have infinite ammo and HP. When you run out of life you do not ‘die’ you simply restart a couple feet from where you were and everything you did is done (you don’t go back to a checkpoint, you simply continue from where you were), you constantly have a slut throwing you ammo that you don’t need because you can literally beat the game with nothing but your melee weapon, and none of the combat is remotely fun or interesting. It’s bad. There is absolutely nothing positive I can say about this game in any aspect from the writing to the actual way it’s played. There is nothing good here.

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Gone Home

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Gone Home is a piece of shit. I don’t really need to go into detail, do I? The ‘story’ (I don’t think it deserves such a title) is ‘random girl that you play as has a sister who you never meet or know who is a lesbian’ and you are supposed to somehow care enough that that is THE ENTIRE GAME AND THE ENTIRE STORY. You know what, maybe if they developed and HAD CHARACTERS I might give a shit. Maybe if I knew that character for awhile in some way and then they revealed she was hiding her sexuality because she didn’t want to be treated like shit by the rest of the cast/friends and her family – okay. Not it being the entire fucking plot of the game, but if that was a big character-developing moment, sure, why not? I could care because I care about the character. But here? No.

You just go rummaging through what is essentially a stranger’s house, find a notebook that says “I like vaginas and I have one” and that is it. THE END. Great fucking job. This ‘storytelling’ is not only written worse but also has less impact than the godawful single player campaign in something like Battlefield 4. At least that has real gameplay and ATTEMPTS to get you to know these characters and form an attachment before having to kill one. In Gone Home it’s akin to finding a strangers pocket book, figuring out they are a girl, and finding out they don’t like dicks. You don’t know them or their lesbian friend, you’ve never even SEEN them outside of a picture that was inbetween some pages of the book, and you never will interact, see, or know in any way whatsoever this person in your entire life. Would you care? No. Who gives a fuck? Nobody. Fucking nobody.

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Ni no Kuni

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I’ve gone into this before, and I will eventually go into it in actual detail, but for now just know this is easily one of the worst titles of the last generation of consoles. I don’t say it to be ‘different’, I tried it and I gave it 4 different legitimate chances. It is truly an awful game, and it’s sadly praised by so many due to some sad facts about the world of gaming that I’ve went over before.

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4 responses to “Worst Game of 2013

  1. I cannot agree more. The political correctness and gender politic invading the gaming scene more than annoys me. What’s annoying about all the runner-ups are that they had potential to be real good and genuinely thought-provoking. However the developers just glued them in hurry for the release date.

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  2. Oh good, Toki no Towa sucks. I was planning on playing it but didn’t really want to shell out the money for it, now I don’t have too.

    I actually just wanted to say: The reason Gone Home has such high praise is because game “journalists” are retarded hipsters that love games like that even if they suck. Dear Esther’s story was “your wife died and now you’re gonna commit suicide” and you find this out by walking around an island and listening to a narrator drone on. It got only an 11% less metacritic score than Gone Home. Why? One guy wasn’t moronic enough to think a game about walking and listening to pretentious writing was good or artistic. Basically: game journalists haven’t been corrupted by feminists, they’re just stupid.

    I’m also glad to hear Ni no Kuni is shit because I’d wanted to play it because “Studio Ghibli RPG” but once again didn’t want to pay what they charge for games these days.

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    • Definitely do not spend money on Toki no Towa – don’t even play it for free if that’s an option like it was for me. It is truly just fucking beyond abysmal.

      And Ni no Kuni I’ll eventually get around to talking about in detail – but I’m lazy. If you would like to try it out yourself go ahead, but I’d highly recommend against it especially for someone who plays JRPGs fairly regularly like yourself.

      Also – about Gone home – hilariously enough the writer of the game has recently said in an interview (unless it was fake, but I recall reading it on a legitimate gaming news site) he’s mad that it’s gotten praised in the ways that it has. Somehow he’s the most level headed about the whole situation and understands he just wanted to tell a story and even outright says games should not be like this and said himself he doesn’t consider it a game. He even bitched about how game journalists and gamers just latch onto it for the reasons you mentioned, which makes him feel bad and like nobody truly likes what he created and only claims to because of that. So while that’s at least a good thing and I can respect him a bit for that, the game is still fucking retarded just like the feminists and SJWs who love it.

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      • Never said Gone Home wasn’t retarded. I thought Dear Esther was shit too. I’m just saying that this isn’t a new thing Garme Jurnalists have been doing, and it’s not really because of it being about lesbians. It’s pretentious hipster bullshit and they love that kind of thing.

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